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Old Blue's literary masterpieces - editorial spin, imagination and good old bullsh*t

12K views 124 replies 15 participants last post by  MadMel 
#1 ·
I get the daily email from BGW in Sydney offering special pricing on close-outs and excess stock, as well as some of the stuff we all need from time to time like brakes and chain & sprocket combo's.

lately, Jesper's tales have become a little long-winded and he's inducted new writers to break the boredom and continue the whimsical vibe of BGW's daily special offers. Some may have recognized OB's name tacked onto the end of Bike Gear Warehouse's daily special offer.

Why this thread? Am I now on the payroll?
Nah, it's just an opportunity to take the piss out of OB while he enjoys road testing all the (free???) products thrown his way.

Here's the link so you can receive some of this daily dose of magic - http://www.bikegearwarehouse.com/dposubscriptionsform.htm
or facebook - http://www.facebook.com/bgwcomau

I hope after his most recent mountain bike accident while road testing some gloves he didn't hit his head....

Now if only I can work 'Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree' into this as well.

Let the flaming begin.
 
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#3 ·
Oh deary, deary me.

I guess it's a good thing I have both broad shoulders and a thick skin, but all the same, Waz, the moment I get time I'm going to send you a post pack of mashed potato for your trouble....

O.B
Haha these guys are 10 minutes from me. Subscribed.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Motorcycle.com Free App
 
#4 ·
OB's lastest installment

SA, Golden Grove, Wednesday 8th August
The kids are alright - by Kym Liebig
The weekend before last I spent engaged in activities that could be seen as irresponsible, reckless, socially unacceptable, and placing my child's health at risk. I haven't had such a good time in ages, and my seven year-old daughter has hardly talked about anything else since. She just walks around puffed up with pride, a smile on her face like a cracked pie.
You see, we were invited to spend a day at a friend's shack in the country. I had to take along an old wood heater anyhow, so the opportunity was there to load the little pit bike on the trailer as well. I didn't really know much about the location we were headed to, but if it happened that there was nowhere to ride, the bike could just stay on the trailer.
When we arrived, it turned out there was a perfect patch to ride on, just across from the house. On with lids, on with gloves, and away we went, me on the back and my little girl on the front. I spent an hour or so teaching her how the clutch friction point worked, and that 'clutch in' meant 'drive disengaged', regardless of what was happening with the loud handle. Before I knew it we were starting and stopping with ease. In next to no time I was being told that first gear wasn't fast enough any more. Rest stops were brief. While there was fuel in the bike, my daughter insisted we were riding.
The highlight of the day was a drag race instigated as my wife and her wheelchair-bound jogging partner (long story…) came into sight heading up the hill alongside our riding area. I've never seen a kid turn a bike around quite so quickly! Drawing up alongside our rivals, there was manic giggling as my daughter executed an exaggerated cranking of her right wrist and left those suckers in the dust, drowned in the soundtrack created by 140cc's of pure Chinese power. Even now I break into a smile at the thought of it.
Looking back, it makes me sad to think that such a day of good, clean fun would be frowned upon by many families today. Our world has become safe, sterile and conservative. Unnecessary risks are frowned upon. Anything we could so much as bruise ourselves on is covered in hazard tape and warning signs. Kids miss out on so much because of our over-protective society.
Like most parents I'm keen to look after my kids, but a bruise here and a scrape there never killed anyone. And I love my kids enough to want to expose them to some thrills now and then. Who knows, the skills and discipline needed to control a bike might even make them more mature and independent.
Am I crazy, or are we raising cotton-wool kids, many of whom will never enjoy bikes because they're portrayed in society as death traps ridden only by outlaw bikies, crusty demons or MotoGP heroes? Have your say on our Facebook page.


Amen OB.
So when are you teaching my girls to ride the PW50?

It's seen no action since the repairs, save for a couple of laps of the man-made lake out the front her to test it.
 
#6 ·


Amen OB.
So when are you teaching my girls to ride the PW50?

It's seen no action since the repairs, save for a couple of laps of the man-made lake out the front her to test it.
That's a sin, Waz. A real sin.

Mind you...choosing a 140cc bike as a starter bike for a 7 year-old is possibly not the most responsible move ever made. That little bike takes off like a rocket, even with both of us on board!

(Possibly doesn't help that I've dropped a tooth on the countershaft sprocket and fitted a quarter turn throttle...)

But hey, at least my daughter's learning not to scare easily!

O.B
 
#7 ·
I'm sure that little 140 is has about 50% more power with a big bore kit and other finely tuned power upgrades...

I'm still teaching the almost 4yo to ride a pushy. Still got training wheels and prefers her feet zip tied to the pedals so they don't come off - worked a treat at the beginning but now I need to break the habit.

Yes, the little PW50 needs a run too. The cops are onto unreg bikes around here pretty quick though... I live just down the road from the local TOG base.
 
#8 ·
Today's installment... enjoy.

"SA, Golden Grove, Tuesday 14th August
Riding all year 'round won't kill you - by Kym Liebig
Riding all year 'round won't kill you. We're coming up to a really special time of year where I live. A time when mornings as crisp and sharp as Smith's best salt and vinegar chips open up to bright, sapphire blue days full of warmth and promise, as winter starts packing her bags.
The roads of the hills are calling to bikers again.
And as much as I love this time of year, I dread it, too. I consciously avoid the 6 o'clock news, simply because I know with morbid certainty that once again I'll see the same gut-wrenching roll-out of early spring biker deaths. I'll frame it for you; sharp-suited news reporter gives soulless ten second summary at location. Cutaway to shot of shattered bike, ambulance nearby. Throw to brief sermon by police spokesperson yammering something about excessive speed. It's so predictable it makes me feel sick.
So I'll climb onto my well-worn soapbox and say this - in my opinion, a good number of these deaths could be avoided simply by bikers being bikers more often. So many recreational riders roll their bikes into the garage after the first rainy autumn day, throw a sheet over them, and don't look at them again until next spring. When those first sunny days arrive, bikes are rolled out, flat batteries cursed, then charged or replaced, and it's time to ride again. If only riding skills were as easily refurbished as batteries! Because over the course of those first few spring rides, most of the folks who don't ride all year round will quickly realise that their riding is more than a bit rusty. Meanwhile, the car drivers of the world - often dull as a political policy speech at the best of times - are suddenly faced with greatly increased numbers of bikes on the road. So…the car drivers aren't used to the bikes being on the road, and at the same time, the bikers are far from their best riding form. This is the same sad formula that leads us to the weekend news headlines every spring. "And tonight, more carnage on our hills roads as police again warn motorcyclists of the dangers of excessive speed…"
So what's so bad about riding all year round that so many of us put our lives on the line by venturing out only in the warmer months? Rain? Around much of Australia there are plenty of dry days even in the middle of winter. What's more, even if it does rain, learning how to ride in wet conditions is a skill that's both satisfying and necessary. Cold? Come on. To paraphrase Billy Connolly "There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong choice of clothes." Gear up and get out there. What's that? Your bike gets filthy in winter? Hmmm…perhaps it's time you traded the terrors of biking for family trips to IKEA. Enjoy that.
In my own experience there are more magical rides to be enjoyed throughout the cold months than there are miserable ones. Wrapping freezing hands around a hot drink and tucking in to a bacon and egg roll at a favourite café feels like a wonderful reward for braving the cold. Skills stay sharp, and spring holds no surprises for riders who've spent winter dealing with damp patches, slippery leaves and errant car drivers.
If you're not riding all year round, I'd suggest that one of the best things you can do to help protect yourself - and enjoy your riding more - is to roll that bike out of the garage rain or shine. It won't kill you. In fact it might even save your life."

I think there should be some kind of editorial prize offer by our wordsmith for picking up spelling and grammatical errors... after-all, he was King Grammar Nazi...
 
#9 ·
haha i particuarly liked the "well-worn soap box" :)

I feel the challenge of getting 675.net into your daily blog should be issued! Or at very least a liberal splattering of the word "Trumpy"...
 
#10 ·
No comment from Grammar Nazi with reference to his own performance...?

Here's today's piece of genius...
"A salute to the commuters. Recently I voiced my opinions on riding all year round, and how I believe that getting out on the bike as often as possible throughout every season makes us better riders. That article was immediately met by comments on the BGW Facebook page stating that commuting was the answer to keeping riding skills finely honed. And that made me smile…because it's precisely where I was headed next with my ramblings.
So here's to you, commuters. Here's to bikes covered in a permanent, thin film of filth. Here's to Cordura jackets you've long since forgotten the original colour of. Here's to biting cold, pouring sweat, splitting lanes and cheating death. Here's to that life-saving sixth sense you work so hard for, and the self-confidence it brings.
Fair weather bikers will never know about keeping the near-miss survival stories to themselves every day when they arrive at work in one piece. They haven't arrived home and stood under the verandah waiting for the worst of the water to drain off their oversuits so they can go inside without leaving puddles, either. They don't own grubby McGyver-inspired backpacks kitted out to fix a flat tyre, change a plug, troubleshoot electrics and perform minor mechanical miracles to get them home. Committed commuter bikers are confident and self-reliant. In a world of traffic that's out to get them, they look after themselves.
I love the way seasoned commuter riders are both as visible and invisible as they need to be. Getting themselves seen when safety calls for it, but most of the time seamlessly slipping between lanes, deftly steering from the hips to slalom around SUV mirrors, the width of the bike judged perfectly, the gap down to a hair's breadth. Good commuter riders don't attract attention unnecessarily. They don't invoke the wrath of car drivers, because they know the same driver they piss off on Monday and Tuesday will also be there on Wednesday, ready to narrow the gap if he got out of bed on the wrong side that morning.
I commuted every day for years, in fair weather and foul. On an old Yamaha SR250, on a Suzuki X7, on a Kawasaki KDX250 and finally on Delilah, my faithful Kawasaki ZZR600. Now that I work from home I still miss the ride. And I still have the commuter's habit of walking to the kitchen window first thing every morning, squinting at the sky, reading the weather.
People who commute on bikes know how to survive the trials of traffic. And I appreciate the fact that while a few do it for economic reasons, so many still do it for the love of it. For the freedom, and the pride that comes with achieving a very special skill recognised by only a minority, but valued dearly by those who've gone the distance for it.
Look at it this way - it may not be Phillip Island or The Great Ocean Road, but for many bikers all over this country, it's still a daily ride, more time on a bike for people who can never get enough. Folks like me who are mad enough to ride through the traffic in the rain, look at the people stuck in their warm cars and feel sorry for them. People who know that any ride at all is better than none. If you're out there doing it every day, I salute you. And truth be told, I'm more than a bit jealous."
 
#11 ·
Great little read.
Brings back memories from a few years when I too would commute every day, then go for an extended lunch break through the hills and try and get back within the hour.

Since I gave up on the commute, I notice my yearly tyre bill is a lot cheaper on the road bike!
 
#13 ·
OB, I'd buy a book made of your grocery lists if you published it :thumbup:
 
#16 ·
Well done OB

Just a comment OB that today I am taking an extremely rare day off work, I believe the term is "Sickie"

Just read through your musings with great delight and a smile has appeared on my dial.

I may have to get you to write that letter for me when I get a date to appear before the Holden Hill people to discuss my recent brain fade.

Keep up the good work.

Macka. :rofl2:
 
#17 ·
Your shopping list has changed recently from "red wine" then OB.....?

I'm sure OB could embellish a company's financial report and make it an interesting read.

My shopping list is pretty simple these days... whatever 'THEY' want....
 
#18 ·
Now from MotoBuzz - the new incarnation of BGW

SA, Golden Grove, Wednesday 5th September 2012

How deep is your love? - by Kym Liebig
Pardon the Bee Gees introduction. I was going to start out with something like 'how desperate is your addiction?', but I didn't want to lower the tone with any drugular references. I did, however, want to perhaps get some objectivity.
You see, polite society decrees that we compare notes with new acquaintances on jobs, or kids, or hobbies, as part of the familiarising warm-up that is small talk. But I think that recently I set out to give a friendly introduction to 'my little world', and came out of it looking like a bit of a maniac.
I've cut down quite a bit in the past few years, and at the moment I only have four bikes. Having just recently stopped crying after selling my Triumph Daytona 675, I now have a Suzuki SV650 race bike, a KTM380EXC dirt bike, a 'project' Suzuki GT250X7 and a 140cc pit bike, which I like to say is for the kids. Ahem.
By my estimations, that modest little collection leaves me a bit thin. Twice that many bikes seems about right to me. Yet when a new friend of my wife's dropped by recently and her husband asked about my hobbies, a quick summary of my current fleet resulted in a look dawning on his face that said very clearly 'I'm so sorry, I didn't realise you had a problem.'
So…do I? I mean, there's the thinking that you can only ride one bike at a time, sure. But the way I see it, I need a bike to race, a bike for the kids to learn on, a bike for me to ride while the kids are learning, a project bike for tinkering…hell, at the moment I don't even have a 'good' road bike or a commuter bike, so I reckon I'm at least a couple bikes short. Yet the look I copped from my wife's mate's hubby was almost that of someone who felt a bit sorry for me.
This has left me pondering whether I'm an 'extreme' case (surely not?) or just another guy who's mad about bikes. I put food on the table. There are no cars up on blocks on the front lawn. The kids are well dressed and properly fed. I maintain my biking habit within the realms of marital harmony. So I don't see anything wrong with it. The fact of the matter is that if I could own more bikes I would, and you'd better believe that the moment I can fit more into my life, I will.
What do you think? Is one bike enough? If not, how many do you own? Do you own one particular type, or a diverse collection of all sorts? And have you ever gone out for a drive to buy a litre of milk, and returned with a clean $1,500 Honda CX500, a weak excuse and a sheepish grin? "It was a bargain, darling. These babies are starting to become classics!"
Oh, and speaking of that sort of thing, by all means share any special tips you have for maintaining a growing bike collection and a happy relationship, too. Keeping secrets about that sort of thing would just be rude.

OK OB...

the only bike in my garage is the littl' PW50 that the kids are still yoo young & small to learn and ride. And my ol' 675 is up for sale again in road going guise as the new owner has his eye on a Tuono.
But since 'possession in 9/10 of the law' does that mean Juz's track whore is mine as well??
 
#20 ·
Bike Collection

OB
I am jealous of your growing collection and will make this comment of how my other half sees my bike collection remaining at one.
I am really keen on buying Tiger 1050 from a good friend (white, with Ohlins, single arrow exhaust and strangely enough orange Triumph decals same as my bike)
I have tried the "we can ride together and you can enjoy the scenery" line. In fact there isn't a line I haven't tried that hasn't met with eyes rolling skyward.

Yes i can buy it but only if I sell my current ride, which I am extremely reluctant to do. So once again as I drift off to sleep I shall be saying a little prayer that my numbers come up on lotto.

Then and only then will my collection begin.
 
#21 ·
OB
I am jealous of your growing collection and will make this comment of how my other half sees my bike collection remaining at one.
I am really keen on buying Tiger 1050 from a good friend (white, with Ohlins, single arrow exhaust and strangely enough orange Triumph decals same as my bike)
I have tried the "we can ride together and you can enjoy the scenery" line. In fact there isn't a line I haven't tried that hasn't met with eyes rolling skyward.

Yes i can buy it but only if I sell my current ride, which I am extremely reluctant to do. So once again as I drift off to sleep I shall be saying a little prayer that my numbers come up on lotto.

Then and only then will my collection begin.
Macka -

My collection has actually been shrinking! And to tell you the truth, the bikes in my stable are a pretty low-budget lot.

However...a good friend of mind is holidaying in the U.K right now and has left me his FZ6N to babysit. And wife has recently commented several time about how having a road bike to just 'jump on and go' whenever I feel like it lifts my mood and makes me a happier bloke.

So we've agreed that come summer, I'm getting another road bike. It probably won't be anything very special, but at least it'll help get the numbers up!

Good luck with your struggle - can I suggest you buy a cheap 'project' bike to start with just to help your other half get used to the idea of two bikes?

http://www.adrenalinpb.com.au/

'Just saying...'

O.B
 
#22 · (Edited)
I paid about $55k for my three bikes and old beat up car. Which is around as much as, if not less than, most guys in my income range spend on a car; a base 3 Series BMW is over $60k, and over $70k for an average ride in that model. No justification required. Actually... I think I justified buying another bike. Two, if I get used bikes.
 
#23 ·
OB, you do have a problem...

That blatant lack of a Daytona :whistle:

And tea's alright, I'm not American :biggrinjester: I'm partial to light Tuocha from Yunnan, btw :p
 
#24 ·
SA, Golden Grove, Wednesday 7th September 2012

Moby - the tale of a LAMS racer - by Kym Liebig

I'm not a fast rider, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm a club racer, and as such I pretty much focus on enjoying myself, without too much emphasis on podiums, sponsorship, prize money, supermodels or drug habits. (All of those can come later…) As my friend and racing mentor Smiley says, "It's not about the times you're doing, it's about the times you're having." I try to learn something every time I ride, and if better lap times are the result of this learning, then that's just a bonus.

Mind you, it helps to be on a bike that isn't the world's slowest Suzuki SV650.

The choice to race an SV was actually a pretty easy one. Firstly, in South Australia you can race them in both 'Limited' class as well as Bracket racing for a single entry fee, so you get a lot of racing value with one bike. Secondly, they're cheap. Thirdly, they're slow. And if that's not making any sense to you, let me put it this way - if you race a slow bike, you are left with no choice but to learn to ride that bike as quickly as possible, carry corner speed, stay off the brakes and rely on your race craft. You can never stuff up a corner and bail yourself out with the throttle on an SV, because there's just not enough power to make up for lost momentum. Riding a slow bike teaches you how to be a fast rider. It's just that my SV turned out to be slower than most.

With the decision made to race, myself and a couple mates set out to buy our bikes. Fully prepped race bikes were thin on the ground and relatively expensive, so I opted for an accident-damaged 2010 model SV650 purchased for $2,600 online. Bargain. The bike showed up with a bent rear subframe, damaged radiator, smashed fairing - all stuff I'd seen in the photos. The engine was dead, but I quickly traced this to a damaged clutch switch and she fired up. Just 3,000 kilometres on the clock. Wow.

I spent a busy week stripping, straightening, and getting the bike ready for its first tentative track outing. The weekend arrived, and out at the track the bike felt good. Handling was okay, brakes adequate, the bike felt solid, if a bit slow. As the sessions wore on, the bike still felt…slow. Maybe too slow? I was passing bikes in the turns, but lots of bikes were passing me on the straights. The final insult was when late in the day a big, fat guy on a DRZ400 drafted effortlessly past me on the back straight.

Something was wrong. In the pits, someone half-jokingly quipped "Hey, are you sure that thing isn't a LAMS bike?"

Oh shit.

Amongst much laughter my slow, heavy bike was quickly dubbed Moby - the white whale. A dyno test the following week confirmed that the bike was only making around 35 horsepower. The bike had been sold to me in good faith as a full power bike. LAMS SV650's aren't exactly easy to spot. After all, what young guy with a fresh licence wants a bike that screams "That's it, ladies…I'm the low power learner model!"

Lots of frustrating phone calls regarding VIN numbers confirmed that Moby was indeed a LAMS bike. My race bike was restricted! Okay then, with that known, how hard could it be to de-restrict a LAMS SV650?

As it turns out, very hard indeed. I spent weeks chasing ghosts. Was it the secondary throttle body butterflies that caused the restriction? Was it the ECU? Understandably, most official Suzuki people wouldn't talk to me. The few that did led me up the garden path. I was told that the restriction definitely came down to the secondary throttle body butterflies not fully opening….only to later stare into the airbox as we ran the bike on the dyno, watching as they opened wide at full throttle. Damn.

I became a forum pest. With its huge biking population, I'd hoped that the U.S.A would come to my rescue, but I quickly found out that a country that lets learners ride GSXR1000's has no use for, or knowledge of, restricted SV's. There were hints here and there from Europe, but all of these related to earlier 'single plug' ECU's, and my late model double plug computer was another fishy kettle altogether.

More weeks went by as my race dreams crumbled. It seemed I'd exhausted every option, and it was now down to a gamble on a second-hand ECU that I hoped would be full power. But the embers of hope flicker into life when you lest expect it, and late one night I received a PM in broken English from an overseas forum I'd been trawling. As far as I could tell, the guy was an 18 year-old SV riding maniac from Israel.

"You open Skype! I message you also on Skype. We de-restrict your bike fastly, is easy tell you for sure! We do it now!"

Desperate times led to desperate measures. I soon found myself on Skype, comparing notes with an excitable young man who guided me through the process step-by-step. I had nothing to lose. I wrote everything down, signed off and headed back to the dyno the following week.

There was much looking at shoes as Moby delivered the same limp 30-something horses as ever. I swore. Around me, the dyno guys started getting set to pack up for the day - I'd wasted enough of their time with my joke bike. Thinking everything through carefully, I asked if I could have just five minutes to try just one more thing, then do one final run. After all, what harm could a bit more egg do to my already very eggy face?

Five minutes later I almost blew a gasket smiling as Moby powered up, revved to 6,500 and then soared to her redline…and an output of roughly double any previous run. Full power at last. There were smiles just as wide on everyone else gathered around the dyno. Thanks to some young Israeli I'd never met, for the first time Moby had shown her true potential.

Since that day, out on the track it hasn't exactly been a case of world domination, but Moby and I are bonding, no doubt. Full power and some basic, budget mods mean that if I do my share, together we can well and truly hold our own. The budget racing dream is taking shape, and I am hopelessly hooked.

Needless to say, I'm not about to share the specifics of de-restricting a LAMS SV650 here and now. I don't need to be the guy responsible for a learner getting hurt after unleashing full power from their LAMS SV. But it can be done, if you have several weeks of spare time, plenty of tenacity and a knack for draining every last drop of value out of internet forums.

As a former Riding Instructor, Moby's tale (see what I did there?) is just one of the many LAMS stories I've heard. Have you ever had a LAMS bike you loved? Which do you reckon stacks up as today's LAMS bike of choice? What do you think of the LAMS scheme overall - inspired idea, waste of time, or a great way to ruin good bikes?

Surely you can cut and paste your own now OB. It's not like I'm an unemployed bum... oh....
 
#26 ·
so replying to MY cut n paste is less obvious...?
 
#28 ·
I've never been good at subtle... or diplomacy... or....
 
#29 ·
SA, Golden Grove, Thursday 6th September 2012

Dr Jekyll - Mr Hyde - by Kym Liebig He did, too. And just like that's no excuse for a seven year-old boy to lash out and thump his mate in a schoolyard stoush, nor is it an excuse for a much older boy to surrender to the red mist. But surrender I do.
About two seconds ago the young bloke passed me almost close enough to trade paint, the whip-crack bark of his R6 actually making me jump. He caught me napping, and there's no doubt at all that he made his pass extra close to rub it in. As mad as it may be, in a heartbeat my determination to catch and pass the R6 is set in concrete. I tap down a gear and the blue bike bellows beneath me. I smile at the induction roar and tuck in as the Kawasaki comes to life, an eager ally to my recklessness.
Up ahead the guy on the late model R6 hasn't missed a beat, smooth, quick and flowing. On this tight, sinuous hills road his agile Yamaha has the advantage over the ZX/9R I'm riding, but the ace I'm holding is familiarity. I ride this road every couple of days, and know it like the back of my hand. By contrast, I've never seen this particular R6 before - he can't know this road as well as I do. So it's game on.
We come out of a winding run, over a crest and down a short straight past the old graveyard, the sun cascading down through the eucalypts and sparkling over the bright blue Yam, lighting it up. I can see we've tightened the gap already, and I keep the Nine pinned, trying to make up a few metres, although the extra power of my bike is countered by its weight and lazy handling compared to the razor-sharp Yam up ahead. As we start back up the hill we are now into an area of blind turns and disappearing apexes. Now the Yam rider starts to show his hand, hesitating here and there, braking early, correcting mid-turn. These little hints are all the proof I need that he doesn't know the road well. I keep it smooth, the Nine rock-solid, launching lazily out of each turn. I'm steadily making up ground, but I don't have much time reel this guy in to striking distance before my one opportunity comes up.
The road hugs the hillside and to our left, the hillside rises sharply, almost a cliff face at our elbows now. The shriek of the R6 just ahead is echoing back off the sheer rock and ringing out over the valley, my Kawasaki's throatier note interweaving as we go up and down through the gears. Six-pot Tokico's hiss on the Nine's discs as I round a bend to see the Yam disappearing just one turn further ahead. Inside my lid a smile spreads over my face as I realise that my strategy is looking pretty good.
There's just one short uphill straight between where we are now and the next tight section, and I make the most of it, playing on my power advantage, on the throttle early out of the last turn. The old Nine might be a bit long in the tooth, but a hundred and thirty horses is not to be sneezed at, and I smile again to myself as the front end goes light, skipping and giving little head shakes. I feed in the gears, and by the time I pop up out of the bubble, braking and nosediving, I'm exactly where I need to be. One more turn to go.
The R6 ahead sweeps into the right hander, fleet and agile, then sets up for the next left turn. I'm just a couple bike lengths behind now and I deliberately short shift lazily to open up more of a gap in case this guy gets it badly wrong. The next couple of seconds seem to play out in slow motion before me. The Yam tips in but suddenly hesitates. There's a splash of rock debris on the inside line - there always is, Yam guy just didn't know that, and now he's fixated on it. He hits the anchors hard, losing speed in an instant, bright brake lights reversing fast towards me. I hold my line, looking far ahead - there's a clear view through the next two turns, and nothing coming our way up ahead as I flash past, the Nine on its ear and so stable that nothing this side of roadside IED would upset it. I realise for the first time that my heart is thud-thudding quite hard in my chest.
The guy on the R6 takes a moment to gather himself. I've already backed off to a cruise by the time I hear the 600 wailing up through the gears behind me. He catches me fast and sits close behind me, but he's lost his mojo for now in the turns, and waits for the next straight stretch to blast past again. I give him a wave. I've proved my point…whatever it was. He must sense this, because when I don't go after him he backs off and soon enough he's slowed right down, giving me a shrug and a thumbs-up as I pull alongside for a moment. When we come to the next intersection we nod our farewells and split off down separate roads. We've had our fun.
This all happened years ago, but I still remember those few minutes - and many other similar rides - with high definition clarity, all the details burned in my brain. To a non-biker, and possibly plenty of bikers, too, it probably looks like pointless hooning, wannabe Moto GP nonsense or possibly even just ridiculous male territorial willy-waving. I won't make any excuses. I've only just started riding on the road again and I like to think I've grown up a bit now, but I can't promise that I wouldn't go chasing again if the opportunity arose tomorrow. As my beautiful wife says, "you are the least competitive man in the world until you get on a bike, and then all bets are off."
I wonder if every biker has Jekyll and Hyde moments?
When I ride on the road I tend to limit my 'fast' riding to a window of just a few minutes out of every couple of hours. I just don't believe you can take advantage of the power that modern sports bikes have to offer in a road environment and live for very long if you keep it up. I know some people who ride their bikes flat out everywhere, and by contrast I know others who never really push it, happy simply to know that all the potential is there in the bike should they ever want to use it.
These days just about every type of bike, from sports bikes to tourers, adventure bikes and even cruisers, packs plenty of power. How do you sample your bike's loud handle? Just every now and then? Only when you feel it's safe? Or do you throw caution to the winds, give it everything and resign yourself to paying the consequences if it all goes wrong…at the police station, the courthouse or maybe the hospital?
 
#33 ·
SA, Golden Grove, Wednesday 19th September 2012

How to bleed your brakes - a MotoBuzz guide - by Kym Liebig

While I do more than my fair share of waffling, now and then I try to be at least a little bit useful. My wife will tell you that I serve a similar purpose around the house; mostly waffley with occasional bouts of usefulness. So here goes.

One thing that often comes up in conversation when talking with fellow bikers is bleeding brakes. Now, that's not me putting an endearing Brit spin on 'bloody brakes', it is, of course, accurately referring to the bleeding of fresh fluid through your brake system, expelling bubbles as you go. The subject seems often to be shrouded in mystery, and seen as something of a challenge, but with a few simple tips, it's quite straightforward. Running a track bike as I do, I find myself undertaking this job so often nowadays that I probably have faint permanent traces of Dot 4 fluid in my blood.

Why bleed brakes?
Really? Okay, I'll humour you. Your brake fluid is subjected to all sorts of abuse. It cops intense pressure as part of normal use, and is subjected to extreme heat (transferred from the discs, through the pads, to the pistons, to the fluid) often. Heated fluid slowly degrades the brake lines and picks up contaminants from them. Brake fluid is also hygroscopic - it draws in water vapour from the air. Pure brake fluid has a very high temperature tolerance, but old brake fluid that has picked up plenty of water can boil when subjected to high temperatures at the caliper. Boiling water creates steam, steam creates bubbles…and bubbles make your brakes go soft at best, and disappear at worst. So it's a good idea to keep fresh fluid in, and thus water and air bubbles out.

Can anyone bleed brakes?
It's really not that hard. If you can tackle basics like changing your oil and adjusting your chain, you should be able to handle brake bleeding without any drama.

A word of warning…
Brake fluid is awful stuff. It's toxic, sure, but it's also corrosive. Spill it on your bike's paintwork and plating, and if you leave it for any length of time, it'll eat right through it. If this is your first try, you're bound to spill a bit here and there - even if it's just a few drops - so keep an eye out, keep some clean rags handy, and clean up right away.

What you'll need;
· Ring or box spanners to fit the bleed nipples on your master cylinder (not all master cylinders have bleed nipples) and brake calipers. Often these are 8mm, but this can vary, so check and get the right fit.
· The correct sized screwdriver to remove your fluid reservoir cap screws, if indeed yours is held on with screws. Some are just screw tops.
· Plastic or rubber tubing that will fit your bleed nipples. Often battery breather tubing is a good fit for this, but check your nipples (oo-err…) and work something out.
· A screw top plastic soft drink (or similar) bottle.
· A fresh bottle of brake fluid of the correct Dot specification. You'll find advice on the right Dot for your bike either printed on your brake fluid reservoir cap, or in your owner's manual. Or even on the internet…
· Plenty of clean rags.
· An attractive helper, if possible. Even an unattractive one will help at a pinch. Mind you, if you're reasonably coordinated you'll be able to do the job solo.

Let it bleed. (sorry…)

1. We'll tackle your front brakes first. Take a look at your front brake master cylinder - yep, that's the 'pump' that's operated by your front brake lever. Does it have a bleed nipple? Many 'conventional' master cylinders don't, but many modern radial types do. If you find a bleed nipple, the job starts here.
2. Firstly, wrap your brake reservoir in rags (to catch any spillage) and carefully remove the cap. Screw top types are generally no problem, but if you have the type that is held on by flush screws, be absolutely certain your screwdriver is a perfect fit, as these screws are often made of cheese, and the heads are easy to strip. The lid will contain a rubber flange. Carefully remove the lid and the flange and set them aside on a clean rag.



One example of a front brake fluid reservoir, cap off. Oh good grief look at that! Low level, old, dark liquid. Disgraceful.

3. With the bleed nipple located, fit the spanner over the nipple and make sure that there is enough room for a single 'open/close' sweep of the spanner amongst all the cables, throttle grips and gubbins. Using a ring spanner here means that the spanner end can stay on the nipple as you bleed it without falling off, and also reduces the chance of spanner slip and nipple damage.
4. With the spanner on the bleed nipple, fit the rubber tube onto the nipple, place the other end into your plastic bottle, and we're ready to start bleeding.



5. Make sure that your reservoir is topped up with fresh fluid, and be careful, because of course a bump of the handlebars will spill fluid. That attractive helper is handy here, too. Now…undo the bleed nipple perhaps one eighth of a turn while at the same time gently squeezing the brake lever. When the brake lever comes back almost to the grip, tighten the nipple again before releasing the lever. Fluid - possibly grubby and very likely bubbly - will start to flow through your tube and into your bottle. The target is no grubbiness, and no bubbles. Topping up your reservoir as you go, repeat this 'undo and squeeze, tighten and release' sequence until you're giggling with the sheer joy of it all. Or at least until there are no more air bubbles. Tighten the bleed nipple, carefully remove your bleed hose and wipe everything down.



Bleeding a front brake master cylinder. It's all about getting that 'undo and squeeze, tighten and release' sequence going.

6. With the master cylinder bled, move on to the brake caliper nearest the master cylinder - 'closest downstream', if you like. Of course if your master cylinder has no bleed nipple, your bleeding starts here. Again, attach your spanner to the nipple first, then your bleed hose and bottle. If you have arms like an orang-utan, you'll be able to do the 'undo and squeeze, tighten and release' sequence solo. If not, get that helper on the job. Now that you're down by the wheel, don't forget to keep an eye on your fluid level at the reservoir, and keep topping it up as necessary. Remember, if it runs too low, it'll gulp air…and you'll have to start again. The aim as always is clean, clear fluid with no air bubbles.



Getting busy down at the brake caliper end of things…

7. Got twin discs? It's time for the final one. Same sequence as always, remembering to watch for air bubbles and keep that reservoir topped up.



…and giving the left nipple equal attention. Always a good idea.

8. All good? Then make sure all your bleed nipples are snug, clean up, wipe everything down and replace the cap on your fluid reservoir after topping it up to the correct level. Chances are by now your lever feels firmer and better, and your reservoir looks like it has been filled with fine, pale brandy rather than black sludge. (Of course if your reservoir IS filled with fine, pale brandy, you may have become distracted at some stage.)

Tips and tricks

· When squeezing your levers, don't squeeze fast, and don't squeeze all the way back to the grip. Squeeze too fast and you might cause a fountain to pop out of your reservoir, spilling fluid everywhere. Squeeze too far and you could damage your master cylinder piston and seals.
· I go one step further with my hose/bottle rig, drilling a hole the diameter of the bleed hose in the plastic bottle cap, along with a tiny 'breather' hole, then threading the hose into the bottle cap and screwing it back on. Less spills that way.
· I always 'rehearse' the loosening of all bleed nipples, backing them off just a tad before I get started. The last thing you need with an open topped reservoir is to be heaving on a frozen bleed nipple half way through the job, upsetting the bike and spilling fluid everywhere.
· Still suspect you have bubbles trapped in there? Take a screwdriver and gently tap it along the full length of your brake lines. This little bit of persuasion often gets stubborn bubbles moving.
· Nitrile workshop gloves - cheap from eBay and more pleasant than hands covered in brake fluid.

And there you have it. A simple, straightforward job that improves your brakes and makes you feel good about yet another aspect of bike maintenance. Why pay a mechanic for something so simple, or wait until service time to have it done, when you can keep your brakes at their best so easily? Once you've had some practise you'll find that you're able to do it quickly and efficiently, too.

Want to see more of these 'how-to' guides on MotoBuzz? Let us know what you'd like to see. And join in the buzz on our Facebook page and tell us how you feel about maintenance jobs like these. Something you do all the time, something you'd have a go at to save a buck, or do you think brake maintenance is best left to the professionals? Have your say now!

Yours in the shed
Kym

 
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